The Boundary Valentine: Saying No to What Drains You and Yes to What Nourishes You
- Devika Gupta
- 13 hours ago
- 3 min read
For a long time, I believed boundaries created distance in relationships.
I thought saying “no” would make love colder.
Less patient.
Less safe.
What I didn’t understand back then was this:
it wasn’t boundaries creating distance — it was my constant self-adjustment.
I didn’t learn boundaries from a book or a workshop on healthy relationships.
I learned them quietly, by watching my husband practice them in everyday life.
He didn’t over-explain himself.
He didn’t feel guilty for choosing what felt right.
He stayed calm, even when things felt uncomfortable.
And somewhere along the way, I realised —this isn’t selfishness.
This is self-respect.
When Love Becomes the Centre of Your Life
There was a phase when my life revolved around my partner.
I waited — for plans, for decisions, for the next move.
Not because he asked me to, but because I believed that’s how love worked.
You wait.
You adjust.
You keep yourself flexible.
But slowly, that waiting started costing me something.
My body felt nervous all the time.
I lacked the courage to choose for myself
.And resentment began showing up — quietly, in places I didn’t want to admit.
What I know now is simple:
When you make the right choice for yourself, resentment doesn’t follow.
Today, I make my choices first.
And then I let life — and love — move around them.
How the Body Responds to Boundaries in Relationships
Before boundaries, my body lived in a constant state of alertness.
Always scanning.
Always preparing.
Always managing.
Now, the feeling is very different.
There’s confidence.
Not the loud, performative kind — the settled kind.
The kind that comes when you stop abandoning yourself just to keep peace.
Learning to Say No After a Lifetime of Being “Nice”
I’ve been a doormat in many relationships.
Saying “no” felt almost impossible.
Being a “good daughter” had trained me well:
don’t upset
don’t argue
don’t create discomfort
adjust instead
So when I finally stopped adjusting myself to make others comfortable, it wasn’t smooth.
Some people left.
Some goodbyes hurt deeply.
But even in the grief, I knew this was necessary.
The hardest boundary I had to learn wasn’t cutting people off.
It was-
allowing conflict to exist without panicking.
What a Nourishing Relationship Actually Feels Like
What makes my marriage nourishing today isn’t perfection.
It’s this:
I sit with my emotions before reacting.
I process what feels true.
And then I express it — calmly, clearly, without bursting or shutting down.
I say my boundaries out loud.
That alone has changed everything.
My relationship today feels mentally chaos-free.
No emotional overload.
No constant explaining or defending.
One of the biggest signs of emotional safety for me is simple:
I’m trusted. I’m not poked into.
Why Boundaries Aren’t Walls — They’re Filters
I used to think boundaries would push love away.
Now I see them as filters.
They don’t make you unlovable.
They remove what benefits from your self-sacrifice.
They make space for love that doesn’t drain your nervous system.
This Valentine’s Day,
maybe the question isn’t:“Am I loved enough?”
Maybe it’s:“Am I compromising myself to be loved?”
Because a relationship that truly nourishes you will never ask you to compromise yourself.
A Gentle Valentine Note for the Golden Daughter
If Valentine’s Day feels heavy this year —
if you’re tired of adjusting, explaining, waiting —
Trust your instincts.
They won’t let you down.
They’re not asking you to leave everything behind.
They’re asking you to come back to yourself.
And that might be the most loving boundary you ever set.
Soft Invitation
If this piece stirred something in you, don’t rush to fix it.
Just notice what your body recognised while reading.
And if you feel ready to explore your relationship patterns with clarity — not judgment —you can book a free clarity session with me.
Sometimes, one honest conversation is all it takes to stop repeating what drains you.
With love
Devikaa
Inner Voice Activator
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